Week 4
“…I feel very uncomfortable now because this is the first time when I start my work without any story/conception behind (even abstract paintings I’ve created in 2019 – 2021 had narratives)…
At the same time, I have always been interested in trying to create something ‘purely visual’. Playing with the medium, following it and not controlling images that appearing on the surface. Something where visual = meaning. But it was always too scary to do that because it seemed that work without a concept is a ‘fiction’, a senseless waste of time and material.
As a result, this feeling that I’m doing something meaningless haunts me now during my work…
…I don’t know whether to continue this experiment on myself or not – or to try to create something concept-centred as usual…
I’ve decided to give myself a couple of weeks to continue and to explore my feelings. Nothing comes without a reason, so my desire to try on some different approach is also most likely dictated by some reasons. If I can understand them, that will be my ‘story behind’…”
Week 7
“…It was worth allowing myself to continue the process without judgement, as I began to understand why I chose watercolour and abstraction…
When I paint, I think a lot about memory and uncertainty. Figurative approach would be very burdensome for me now, because after 2 years of reflecting on the war I’m still not ready to ‘process’ my current reality. I’m neither there nor here. And so, there’s simply nowhere for stories to come from right now… It feels like a vacuum inside my head, and meditative work with watercolour fills it perfectly…
…Light, colour, the plain of paper, the creation of an abstract landscape, uncontrollability of the process, uncompromising nature of the watercolour and many other things that arise in the process of working – this is what interests me now. How watercolour pigments are once and for all ‘eaten’ by paper and remain visible even through new and new layers of paint, how space and perspective appear on a flat sheet, even if there is not a single recognisable object there, how the roles of the leader and the follower change during my interaction with the medium – this is what I’m really obsessed with now. Interplaying between control and chance…
And clouds. They have always been and still are interesting for me. And I’m finally learning to stop being embarrassed about that…”
Week 10
“… I literally burned with cyanotypes today – I need a break from them for a while. I wasn’t satisfied by results for a long time – since October… Secondly, after my previous experiments on a larger format I noticed differences in exposure, which were due to the UV lamp being positioned much lower for smaller works. I decided to make test samples exposed from the same height as the larger ones but for different durations: 2 for 8 minutes, 2 for 9, 2 for 10 etc. up to 15 minutes. But chemical behaved strange and washed off completely during soaking after exposure… The result was the same no matter how long I exposed. This pissed me off… “
Week 11
“… This one really reminds me of flashes before explosions when artillery works too close... I saw something pretty close to it during the storming of Mariupol…”
Week 16
“… Everything was good before I applied Pyrrole Orange – so sticky pigment that the brush leaves sharp lines that ruin the composition…”
Week 17
“… I’m not trying to be original just to be original.
I don’t want to artificially invent ways to surprise someone just for the sake of surprising them.
All I want to do is to keep doing and see how it reveals me and how it affects me…”
Week 19
“…These boards draw me crazy. At first, I thought I was ‘unlucky’ – things don’t always go perfectly and it’s fine. But after a week of struggling, I realized the issue was the boards themselves! They’re at least twice as heavy as the one I used before, making it much harder for me to manipulate them quickly which is vital for my technique… I can’t achieve what I need.
Also, because of their weight I can’t place them gently on the desk while working, and paper started to stretch on the corners halfway through the work. I’ve lost my patience and ordered boards where I bought them before…
I genuinely believe that materials should if not help with the work, at least ‘not get in the way’…
I’ve taken one of the paintings off the board and immediately felt relieved…
…UPD: the new painting on one of the new boards turned out great. Materials matter.”
Week 20
“…Better to start with darks and reserve some areas as white and then add lighter, brighter, warmer colours.
Tundra Violet and Yellow Red work better if I apply them in a ‘wet on dry’ technique and quickly dilute them with water rather than apply in ‘wet on wet’ way.
Avoid P. Bk. 11 – it kills the glow.
P.Y. 150 and P.Y. 254 are not sticky, very manageable…”
Week 22
“…Sometimes, I really crave criticism, but other times, even the most harmless careless word can hurt. Today, I barely held back tears. It felt like I wasn’t understood at all, and a wave of despair just washed over me… Only another studio day can heal it.”